I have always gone along with the Radiohead obsession. I've never questioned a person who told me that Radiohead was their favorite band, I've always said that the show I attended in 2006 at the WaMu Theater at MSG where I sat 10th row for Radiohead was a wonderful musical experience (it was not), and I have always thought that spending loads of money for a Radiohead ticket was money well spent. Tonight I stop this non-sense and I am going to get to the bottom of my confusion with this ridiculous Radiohead obsession.
Let's begin simply. Radiohead's music is depressing. How could anybody love something so damn miserable sounding? Their music is the sounds that I fear I'll hear right before my death. And not because it was my favorite music so I turned it on as a last goodbye, but because it exemplifies that feeling of deathly ending.
While their absolutely drab music reproduces excellently (this could be the only legitimate reason that makes them exceptional musicians), their live show just sounds like their are blasting a perfectly crisp record. Part of seeing a band live is seeing what that band is really capable of. I already know what they're capable of on disc. How can they take what I've enjoyed and make it different and something I'd want to come back for? Radiohead doesn't do that. They spit out their records clearer than a duplicated sound byte. "It's so good I don't even need to see them!" said a 5'4" girl standing next to me. This girl paid $100 to hear what her iPod already has on it, and she was too short to even make out the stage from where she was standing. Sheesh.
Radiohead is enigmatic. They can't just have a normal stage setup with a jumbotron projecting their stage so the shorties and people miles away can see what they came for. No. Instead they have to have a jumbotron that cuts and distorts the images of body parts of the band members into 6 boxes filtered through different colors. Even the large screens hanging behind the band on the stage weren't clear because huge metal bars/lights hung in front of the screens reflecting and projecting light in every which spectrum and direction. The stage was one large music video and the perfectly recreated music matched it well. But I didn't pay for a music video! I paid for live music!
But forget the band, let's talk about their audience. There was one point where the tens of thousands of fans were so silent that I could have heard Thom Yorke fart if I was standing 500 yards away. One would expect that silence to come at the start of some brilliant Radiohead creation, at the least? Of course not. It was during a boring bass line, that was the start to a song composed of a snare and symbol tap I am capable of playing, with far from catchy bass and guitar chords and, of course, yorke's incomprehensible whines. Vom Vom Vom. Why so quiet?! It was the perfect bathroom break or time to hit on the cutey next to you. The last thing there should have been was a scarily silent silence.
But the fans horrific antics did not even come close to ending there. The audience surrounding me were acting as if they were standing in the presence of the sound of Radiohead. They seemed to feel blessed that they were one of the chosen ones whose ear canals could be exposed to such perfection. I, on the other hand, did not feel the sainthood of this event. At one point during the first (yes, I said first) encore, two males in front of me put their hands up in a prayer-like worshiping stance. Behind me two other men held their hands crossed in front of them and looked solemnly down at the ground absorbing the godly power of the moans of Thom Yorke. I felt surrounded by a bunch of Religious Radiohead freaks. Never have I attended a concert where such secular music created such a non-secular response.
The audience did nearly strike my heart into an attack when at three different points during the set they broke out into clapping in unison! I never knew people that were sooooo high enjoyed active participation. "Idioteque", "Jigsaw Falling Into Place" (I think), and "House of Cards" really bring out the clapping capabilities in those Radiohe-sus freaks.
I'm almost done with this rant, but first, another simple Radiohead point, which they apparently do at every show: 2 fucking encores. For SERIOUZZZZZ? People can kiss Saint Yorkes feet all they want, but 1 encore is all that should ever be necessary.
In response to all of this, when the show was over I asked my friend and the girls she was with why they love Radiohead. They said "Their music never gets old and is so deep." I disagree. It gets old and wtf is deep? How can one use word as an adjective to describe music without further explanation? So to these 'he-sus freaks I would just like to share an anecdote about one of their brethren:
Towards the end of their set a tuning chord rand out from a guitar during an in-between song silence. Before the note was even complete a very high boy behind me said "OH! This is a good song!" Before that had stumbled out of his mouth the tuning note had disappeared across the Liberty State Park vastness. It is people like this attendee that make me understand WHO loves Radiohead, but not WHY!!!??? people love Radiohead.
The Radiohe-sus Freaks.
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